Every morning when I sign onto IM, AOL automatically opens a browser window, thereby temping me with distraction by parading around about 500 quirky little “news” clips that I can’t help but click – because no matter how inane an article on “20 Lies Men Are Allowed To Tell” may be, it’s still a lot more entertaining than actual work. In this shitstorm of useless information, there’s usually a sports section which I always gleefully skip right the fuck over (because what intelligent person honestly gives a shit?). This time, however, something caught my eye and – surprise, surprise! – really grated my cheese:
Are you fucking shitting me?! Listen, I know people who enjoy professional (not to mention violent) sports don’t typically think women are human or entitled to comfort, safety, and the privilege to not be objectified, but holy fucking shit…we can’t at least give that poor girl some fucking pants?!
This photo was in the “Did You See That?” section, which reviews the “craziest” moments in sports. Being the optimist that I am, I figured AOL was pointing out the insanity of requiring members of “The Ice Crew” to clean up after thousands of oafish fans in their underpants. Upon reading the caption, however, I discovered that what they were actually highlighting is the glorious, magnificent spectacle of a bunch of China-made plastic helmets being chucked on the ice, and I was comfortably back to hating humanity again.
I realize men are incapable of enjoying even the most common of activities without a scantily-clad broad somehow being dehumanized and served up for consumption, but what kind of neanderthals won’t even let the grand sports tradition of women in bikinis slide for fucking ICE HOCKEY? What’s next? Ididatrod Thong Girlz?
Jesus Christ on a stick.
Oh, and can someone explain to me how a giant, unwieldy shovel is supposed to clean up helmets? These people have brains made of sandwich meat. I swear to god, if you ever catch me at an ice hockey game, I’ll eat my hat.
8 Comments
March 8. 2009 at 8:26 pm
Totally agree. Although I follow hockey and need to point out that only teams with a hard time selling tickets tend to do this. Not that that’s an excuse or anything. Just sayin. I actually find hockey fans to be less sexist than football or basketball fans (not saying much, I know).
March 9. 2009 at 10:25 am
I hear you. I’m actually…well, I’m a closet jock. I kick ass at, like, all sports.
I grew up with a P.E. teacher for a father (a father that, at 60+ years old, still windsurfs, surfs, kitesurfs, skis, snowboards, bikes, plays volleyball and tennis, and does yoga) and I’ve pretty much HAD to rule at athletics my whole life. I shouldn’t be such a hater.
That being said, I really don’t get the appeal of watching sports, and I really don’t get professional sports team fanaticism. It’s like nationalism on a much dumber level and leads to things like, well, girls skating around in their panties.
March 10. 2009 at 8:58 am
I was just thinking about this the other day… Not naked ladies cleaning up hockey rinks, but the way every TV show, ad, sporting event, movie, anything, assumes the consumer to be a straight male in need of a boner. Like this “A Final Evening with George W. Bush” thing that Will Ferrel just did. Apparently, they thought it would be a good idea to make Condoleeza Rice into an oversexed stripper… I mean, “a fantasy”. Can’t I watch anything without having surgically augmented tits shoved in my face? Please?
March 11. 2009 at 5:21 am
Ididatrod Thong Girlz
I read this and laughed out loud…then cried (well, I didn’t cry, but my spirits sank a little) because I realized that wasn’t entirely impossible. I’m an Alaskan and the Iditarod is huge here. I wouldn’t be surprised if that ends up on the agenda eventually.
I’m another regular reader of Manchine and I think your writing is brilliant. I’ll definitely be coming here again.
July 9. 2009 at 4:36 pm
As a huge fan of ice hockey, I’m disappointed (yet not at all surprised) by how much you seem to hate it, but you have the right. What you should know is that the air temperature at ice level during games is very, very hot (like 85 degrees). I know it sounds strange, but it is true. It’s not like your local ice rink, which is freezing cold. You could comfortably skate on the ice at a pro arena completely naked…..
Also, I’d like to add that in competitive figure skating, women dress similarly, so this is far from cruel and unusual punishment.
July 21. 2009 at 6:53 pm
Women who are figure skating are not made to parade around in “sexy” sport-themed bikinis designed to titillate and sexually arouse men, and they’re certainly not cleaning up after them. Figure skaters wear the costumes that they do so they have freedom of movement when they’re busting a move – not to jiggle their goodies for beer-soaked dudes. Bitch, please. Intention matters.
July 25. 2009 at 8:57 pm
“Women who are figure skating are not made to parade around in “sexy” sport-themed bikinis”
Ummm….neither was that member of the “Ice Crew”. This is not Ancient Rome here.
BTW, I agree it’s retarded having some dummy in a bikini skating around in her panties. It’s not at all attractive and no man with an intact brain cell actually gets off on it. It’s just weird. And I loove the ladies.
If I was a woman, I’d be angrier at the woman who has nothing to offer but T&A. These are the kind of women invariably attracted to dumb assholes and generically complain that “all men are jerks”. Hate.
/rant
November 15. 2009 at 4:55 pm
Ugh. You are SO part of the problem. I love the “I’m not a misogynist because I LOVE women! I love them when they’re not feminists and when they’re sucking my dick! I only hate them when they’re stupid and do exactly what society conditions them to do their entire lives.” dudes.
Shut the fuck up. “If I was a woman…”??? Haha, dude, if you were a woman, you wouldn’t have said any of the bullshit you just said. You’re a dick, and, um, you don’t “love women.” Sowwwwy!